How fast can you grow

Ones in a while I get taken back by how much Lance seems to grow overnight. I've got the luxury of being with him every day so usually I grow with him or at least I'm there to see the learning curve.

Today I woke up and all of a sudden I have this little dare devil on my hands. He was climbing up on our pillows to throw himself right back, just like that. That should be scary to anyone. There's such a huge amount of trust in something like that. Either he trusts me or he all of a sudden trusts that the bed is not going to move. He found this hilarious and kept doing it over and over again, free falling from the headboard, backwards.

I took him swimming this morning, which we have not done for a few months now. But I decided to get him some arm cushions to see if that helped him be a bit more independent. He was a bit unsure at first but he kept them on which is all I could ask for. They did not work as well as I had hoped but he was having so much fun splashing around, paddling to try and get places. He just loves the water. But seriously when did he all of a sudden get so big he can now stand on the bottom and keep his neck and head over the water?

On top of that he got up and down his wee stol he has to reach the sink when he brushes his teeth all by himself like a little pro.

It's been a morning of surprises for me but lots of fun and experiences for Lance! I can't believe he's 18 months and such a brave wee boy already.

Xx

Ill with a toddler

I have been very ill the last week and the reality of being "couchbound" or even worse "toiletpanbound" when you have a toddler to look after is anything but easy.

Lance started copying me throwing up in the toilet. So at least now he knows how to when it's his turn.

He's not been very amused when I've told him I'm too tired to play with him or just playing in the same area all day. Thankfully my husband has been off work so he could look after Lance. I don't know how I would cope if I had to do it all by myself. Poor Lance would be so bored and fed up. It just seems to stop everything, every little plan you had made, every class you had scheduled.. All scraped when the flu decides it's your turn.

Moving forward now and starting fresh for 2016!

Xx

Going out

When we go away somewhere, whether it's to someone's house or out for dinner I find myself really drained afterwards.

When we are at home I know what Lance can get up to and where he usually goes when he sneaks off. I can predict the outcome of most situations because we have been there and done that before.

But when he realises he's in a new setting with lots of new stuff to discover it's game on. Everything needs to be looked at by picking it up or poking at it. Every new floor area needs a test run. Every knob or handle leads to something else. Everything is new and exciting and all of a sudden energy comes from nowhere. Where's my energy? To keep up with him I could use some of that.

It's really nice and needed to get out and enjoy life and meeting up with people, but sometimes I do weigh up the pros and cons. After that I can decide if I have enough energy and patience to leave the house. Besides I usually never get to actually have a conversation anyway. All I do is try to make sure Lance is ok and not breaking things.

One day I will have an adult conversation again!

Xx

Gifts, toys and pictures

With Christmas just passed all these pictures and posts appear all over social media of what and how much the kids got for their Christmas. I also see the anti post posts, where people get offended for seeing other kids getting more stuff than theirs.

I can see where people are coming from but in my opinion each to their own. Just because a child got 20 gifts doesn't mean they had a better Christmas than a child that got 2.

Personally I just loved seeing Lance take to any of the gifts we got him and playing with it. To be honest the thing he got most excited about was a book. But most importantly he had fun with his cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles and that means more than any toy.

And no toy compares to someone sitting down with them and play together. The parent is the most important "toy" in the house. They will learn so much more from an adult than any toy.

Xx

Just a minute

You know that phrase "just give me a minute". I had no idea that it ceases to exist the same minute you have a baby. Your minutes are no longer yours.

I remember a couple of hours after I had Lance and I had been left in the room alone with him. First of all that was so scary and such an eye-opening moment. He was completely relying on me for the first time. Even though he slept for a couple of hours, I found myself expecting him to wake up at any moment so I couldn't relax. I was terrified going to the bathroom for many reasons but I remember thinking what if someone comes and steals him when I'm in there. So I rolled him as close to the door as I could and for the first time I left the door open. And the funny thing is it has not been shut since.

Privacy is long gone, having a shower in peace is no longer a luxury I'm privileged enough to get, finishing a meal in one go. For some reason "just give me a minute" doesn't work on a toddler. But I have the best company anyone could ask for. I really had no idea how much the every day would change and it's almost impossible to imagine before you are there.

That's why it's really important to have some me-time, so I can keep my sanity and individuality. It's so easy to fall into the habit of identifying myself as Lance's mum instead of Sofia. So the few minutes / hours I get to be just me, just Sofia I need to make them count.

Xx

Apologies

The power of an apology is a lot bigger than any compensation.

I know my husband will probably agree with this. For me an apology is so extremely difficult for me to issue. I almost rather flea than face the situation and apologise. I'm not sure what I think will happen if I do, but for some reason it's a scary thing.

I don't have any trouble admitting when I'm wrong when it comes to facts. But the times when I've said something inappropriate, let my feelings take over and blurted out an insult or point blank hurt someone unintentionally, it stings. I'd rather avoid the person for as long as I can instead of apologising.

Now, the dilemma comes when I realise that I have to teach Lance how and when to apologise and why it's the right thing to do. Man am I the wrong person for this job. I think I might need to learn alongside him. And I hope I can just get over my fears and own up. What's the worst thing that could happen?
(famous last words)

Xx

Unconditional love

For every day that passes I get to know my boy better and better. I get to learn what triggers what, his likings and dislikings, how stubborn he is, how thirsty he is for knowledge, when he wants to be left alone or when he needs a cuddle. And at the same time he is getting to know me and how I function. So just as I love him no matter what, so does he. He doesn't judge me for my mistakes or think I'm less worthy of love if I'm a bit grumpy one day. Which makes it even more important that I can communicate with him and show him my emotions and reactions. And just like I would comfort him if he's upset, I can show him that mummy could use a cuddle aswell at some point.

Sure there's moments when my patience is tested and when it's a bit harder to remember that I love him. The times when I'm up all night, food is getting splattered all over the kitchen, tantrums are appearing at the most inconvenient times, he's dirtied his nappy just as I've dressed us to leave the house, well the list can go on. But the fact that I want to go through those moments with him and teach him something from them lets me know that unconditional love is real.

Xx